Life At Pardes - Pardes Moments
What I Learned This Year
The Rabbi I spoke with last year, who recommended Pardes to me, was the first Rabbi I’d spoken to in almost seven years. Coming from that kind of Jewish background, or lack thereof, it wasn’t hard for me to come up with a few things when asked to describe what I’ve learned this year.
The first thing I had to learn was how not to be constantly embarrassed. I didn’t know anything. It’s hard now to describe the depth of my shame when I asked myself questions everyone else seemed to know the answers to, like, “What is a Shiur?” or “Do people around here ever say anything other than Yesher Ko’ach?” or “Who was this Chazal guy, and why did he have so much to say?”
I had to learn quickly that it was okay not to know. That was, after all, what I was here to do.
And I did.
I learned Chumash for the first time in my life, and I learned to love it. I learned Mishna Brachot so well that it’s difficult for me to imagine a time when I didn’t know that you can in fact say the Shema at the top of a tree. (But not the Amida.)
I also learned how to learn, both from my Rabbis and my Havrutot. I gave my first D’var Torah ever, and learned that standing up and making connections between Torah and our lives makes me happier than I can ever remember being. I learned that making these connections and helping others make them is something I want to do with my life. And so after many years of focusing on my career in arts and entertainment journalism, I now see my future in Jewish Education.
I learned about Halakha – a word I didn’t even know when I got here – and I learned the intricacies involved in asking why questions without actually asking “why.”
I learned that there is a Jewish community out there for me even if I can’t define myself in denominational terms, and I learned for the first time how to put my internal clock on a Jewish setting. It wasn’t long before my weeks and months passed in terms of Shabbat and Chagim.
I hosted my first Shabbat meal, and I learned the Jewish art of making food for five times as many people as I actually invited.
And I learned that Rabbis are not scary people – not even Rav Landes.
I learned that I can leave America, and not miss anything about it other than my friends and family. But more than that, I learned that I love Eretz Yisrael. I am madly, passionately in love with this land, with an intensity unimaginable a year ago.
Unfortunately, I also learned that living here didn’t get me much closer to understanding the political and ideological conflict that surrounds us.
And while I didn’t get hit by the Frum lightning I thought might strike me here, I did learn that being healthy and taking care of my body is Talmud Torah, and that I can have a good time without drinking, even on Purim.
I learned that I do in fact believe in God, and did all along. (He knew the whole time, too.)
I learned everyone’s names, and with some students I learned how to form relationships that changed the course of my life, and I pray they will continue to do so.
I also learned how much there is to learn, and despite how much I did learn, it’s not even a pinky toe nail on the body of Jewish knowledge.
And after a year of learning all these things – Hebrew, Aramaic, Chumash, Mishna, Halacha, Midrash, Talmud, the prayers, the songs, the history, the people – there’s still one big thing I don’t know.
I don’t know how to say goodbye.
Jess M.
St. Petersburg, Florida
Washington University, St. Louis
Pardes Year Program 05-06